He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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