I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
