Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
