So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
