Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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