Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
