Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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