Kiss
Puke
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
