You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
