How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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