Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
