One girl and one boy is just not enough.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
