i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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