im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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