All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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