did you get engaged???
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
