I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
porn star boner night. come get it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
