I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
