I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
