If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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