apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
