rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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