I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
