Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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