So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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