well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
