i would punch a child for taco bell
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
