So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
