Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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