At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
