All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
only if we run a train.
done.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
