at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
