Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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