Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
