I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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