Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
