My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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