Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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