her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
