I'd wear matching sweaters with you
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
