I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
