Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How does one acquire holy water?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
