it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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