I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
