I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
