he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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