sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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