What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
