Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
