I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
