I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
