Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
