hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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