I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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