i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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