i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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