A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
